p.t. wrecker in the house

my friend porter is coming to visit. he's a writer, lives in brooklyn and does cool things like skis in chile and is now sailing a little old sail boat up the coast of maine and writing a book about it. he's coming to my rock tomorrow! it's been 4 years or so since i've seen him so i'm looking forward to seeing him. i'm thinking i'll get a chapter, or at least a paragraph. i am very funny. and amusing.

just need to post this picture. today was nasty out there on the float. ps. i'm related to all 3 men in the picture. sad but true.

i love that other people still go to hippie festivals

because i can send my stuff and someone else will sell it. dom and friends are going somewhere this weekend where hippies gather for music and drugs and stuff. i made 10 pairs of earrings and some bracelets and he will peddle my goods for me. which is great because i just like to make it, not sell it. i'm thinking i'll save the money i make for my birthday tattoo that i am dreaming of (scorpion cover-up that is going to be awesommmme when matt tattoos me) or this fancy tool i drool over in my jewelry catalogue.

little copper leaves

i worked in the metal shop this week for a few hours. it was nice to be back there. i always get super inspired when i get to work there and have mini panic attacks about whether grad school is what i should be focusing on right now. i wonder if i should focus on creating and writing and not thinking of those things as hobbies but as my work work. i worked on brass maple leaves in 2 different sizes. i cut and detailed probably 50-60 of each size. i love the hydraulic press.

aaron and claudia

i have been thinking a lot about aaron and claudia lately. these are jasen's kids who i haven't seen for almost 2 years. i miss them so much. i think about what they are doing and who they will become. aaron will be a freshman in high school and claudia will be in middle school. i can't believe it. i miss day to day life with them. little league games and making pancakes for breakfast. i miss claudia climbing into bed with me wanting to hear a story and walking frodo and eddie around the neighborhood wondering what kind of super powers they would have if they were superhero dogs. i miss aaron asking me for advice about girls and playing video games with him and his friends on sleepover nights. i was the first person he told after his first kiss on his birthday, just 4 days before the accident. i thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest when he told me his news.
leaving them behind was difficult. i know that i put up with jasen's shit because i thought that aaron and claudia needed me. now i know that it was me who needed them. loving and knowing aaron and claudia brought the best of me out. i hope that wherever they are that they can sometimes feel me loving them, because i do, fiercely and simply.

i snipered this from someone else. thanks mw. this is freaking great.

caged bird

a free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wing
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

but a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

the caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

the free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting in a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

but a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

the caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom

~maya angelou

sew sarah, sew

between dinner with friends, walking with dogs, doing the lobster thing and laundry i finally found a couple of hours to sew tonight. i worked on a series of felt and cork coasters for the niblic, my sisters store here on the island. i have done 8 so far but hope to get in another color before the day in the sun and handling 70+ crates of lobsters today (a crate weighs 90lbs) and 38 barrels of bait kicks my ass and forces me to bed. i love these little 4x4 felt canvases. i like the 2 colors and the way the machine guides me. as my hands guide the fabric through the teeth and needle of the machine it seems to have a will of its own. kind of like ouija boards. did we really make it go or was it the energy and belief it was moving on its own that guided its path? each coaster shows a different crazy path. some frenetic, others circular and flowing. next will be the napkins. and then curtains for katie's shower gift. (and oh, yeah, justin's basketful of pants i'm contructing back together. i love trading skills)

white sugar. bad bad bad

when i was vegan a long time ago i didn't eat anything made with white, refined sugar. i spent a lot of time in the grocery store reading the labels of everything. there is sugar in a lot of stuff. i also went on a crazy crusade trying to make vegan desserts taste as good as the dairy, refined sugar kind. then i fell of my vegan trip (2 and 1/2 years without cheese. brutal) then i fell off my vegetarian trip (after 10 years i found myself dreaming of bacon. even while i was awake. i had bacon on the brain.) for awhile it was like i never had ideals when it came to food. i just shoved sustenance down my throat. i searched portland for the best cheeseburger (blue spoon. yum) when i was in atlanta shit went way down. i ate southern food like i had never eaten before. in the past 6 months however i have been trying to cut white sugar out again, slowly. i started with coffee. i love coffee. i live for coffee. i love making coffee in the best ever french press. i love coffee with cream and sugar. i have been using organic sweet agave nectar to sweeten my coffee. it's more expensive then sugar but i love it. it makes my coffee taste earthier and more dank. and, as i am slowly cutting out sugar i can feel the difference. sugar is as addicting as cigarettes, booze and drugs for some people. my sister has issues with sugar and she has these crazy sugar binges and it has affected her life since high school. which was forever ago for her :) it's a challenge but i urge you all to try for one week not to eat anything with refined sugar. eat fruit. sweeten with agave nectar or some thing like... use unrefined sugar. eat more fruit. soda? bad! water? good.

chip... if you are reading this...

1. great memory
2. liquid dinners are not good for livers
3. thanks for the good advice, you are a great friend and i cherish that.
4. let's try to go fishing before september. 5. i'm compassionate NOT volatile and that's the last time we'll discuss it :)
6. this is my fav picture of you from like forever ago.

can i please live here?

i am now a pogie slayer. kind of.

i love getting phone calls at 9:30 at night from stephen (brotherinlaw/boss/brother i never wanted but love to have) telling me he's picking me up at 4:00am cause we are going seineing for pogies before work. yup. awesome.

promise

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Christopher Robin to Pooh

beginning of the day and the end of the day

ahhhh shit. what a day.
i started my day sitting on a bench in portland with the coolest guy i have met in a long time... that was a fun 20 minutes.
i ended my day hauling in a pogie siene by hand in the dark and fog by hand. that was a fun 2 hours.
the stuff in between paled in comparison to cool guy and fresh bait.

cam is in training, future smack master

he evidently only comes on the rainy
days. he's a trooper. he makes his dad do silly things. like climb in crates. he wanted to see if i could fit in there with them. not a chance in hell. stephen and i have a hard enough time not killing eachother on the boat/floats, and by killing i mean we can't not throw things like hammers, rusty nails, rubber bands and pitchforks. the crates are just not gonna cut it.

recycling lobstermen?

so, i'm on a mission. i'm trying to get the lobstermen to recycle their returnables. most of them throw them in their trash and then throw their trash in a nasty bait barrel and i hate picking through the nasty trash to get to the cans. some of them make the effort to bring them home, and by some i mean one. some of them throw them overboard which infuriates me. so i have a plan. we have this pond on the island owned by the sweetest old couple, sanford and mabel. in the winter we skate on it and it is awesome. there is a little warming hut there with a fireplace inside. there are skates for everyone, hockey equipement, pucks, and hot chocolate and s'mores stuff. there are even lights so we can have night skating. sanford has opened this pond up to the community for years and as a community we try to take care of it. for a lot of us, the pond is a saving grace. the winter gets long and boring and going down there for a night game of hockey breaks the boredom. we always try to have a community skating party... last year i helped organize one and we had over 70 people there. trust me, that's a lot since there are only around 350 people here in the winter. its great, we bring food and music and it's like a lifetime original movie, but real. i always love seeing the wannabe thugs teaching the little kids how to tie their skates or play hockey... so back to my plan... everyone loves the pond, so i am collecting the cans and bottles and donating all the money to help with the pond. my goal is to buy some new skates, a new helmet and lots of hot chocolate and marshmallows. i'm having a competition to see which boat brings the most cans and whoever wins gets... something. i don't know yet. i'll bake them cookies or a pie or something if its an old guy and if its a young guy maybe beer? i don't know. check out my recycle center on the smack. clearly i am a dork. i'm so proud, like it's a 5th grade science project and i won a spot in the science fair. the lobstermen think i'm kind of crazy, but at least i amuse them:)